Which Mary Berry Cake Would You Be In Your Office?

The Great British Bake Off has returned to our screens for another year and everyone’s gone nuts in anticipation for what this year’s show will bring.We’re all flans of the show ourselves in the OnlyMarketingJobs office and it’s amazing that a baking programme can have almost an entire nation firmly under the rolling pin. Over the years, baking has got bigger and better, with more and more younger people, men and women, getting their sponges out for the world to see. We thought we’d slather the icing on the cake for everyone who’s stuck at work today and give you a little food for thought with a personality breakdown of Mary Berry’s most treasured recipes. If you’re disappointed with the cake you feel you’re most aligned to, don’t forget, you only get out what you pudding. If you’re light and fluffy enough you’ll be willing to rise to the occasion and lick up the reality of your cakey persona. We don’t want anyone getting hot or cross over the standard of their buns but the question is, whisk one are you?

 

Lemon Tart

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Ooo you’re a tangy one you are. Little lemon tart. The zesty one of the office. A refreshing slice of delight on a hot day so they say. With a delicious, crisp pastry base, you’ve got your feet firmly on the ground, but the contrast of your soft lemony filling renders you a pleasant intermission from the impenetrable biscotti’s of this world and unequivocally softer on the teeth. You’re a rational person and you approach petty office conflicts peacefully. You’re pretty upfront with people, but your velvety soft heart says you mean well and your co-workers completely understand you as a human.

Chocolate Roulade

The Ultimate Chocolate Roulade

You may look old and grey on the outside, but the real treat is what you get when you open up! A modest and reserved member of the team, you tend to drift seamlessly from task to task and in turn you excel at work. One of your best qualities is your light and fluffy nature. You’re pleasant to be around. You don’t irritate people but by the same token, no one is particularly fighting for your attention. Your co-workers genuinely enjoy your company in the office but, in the nicest way possible, there isn’t mass devastation in your absence.

Coffee & Walnut Cake

Coffee and walnut battenburg cake

Okay so you’re slightly nutty. That’s fairly obvious here, and people tend to love you or hate you. If your colleagues take the time to sweeten you up you’re divine, but you can be acutely bitter at times. It’s important that you learn and appreciate that the world is not completely against you and if someone at work has truly pissed you off, you simply need to get over it. Move on. Lighten up a bit. Add some cream perhaps? It’s not all negative though! You’re marginally off-kilter where the ‘normal’ radar is concerned, so you’re free, 5 star entertainment for your fellow co-workers. You’re like a ticking time-bomb of  lunacy. No one quite knows what you’re going to do next, but they’re largely optimistic that whatever it is will be pretty damn CRAY CRAY.

Victoria Sandwich

Victoria Sandwich

You’re an absolute CLASSIC. There’s no question that everyone loves you. How can you not? You’d be deemed unstable to have a problem with the Vicky Sponge. You’re a flawless combination of light but firm, making you an outstanding manager, jammy, which incorporates that wicked cheeky streak and creamy, which exhibits your exceptional empathy for others. You will do anything for anyone and you’re always supporting the office underdog. It aids the cause that you’ve got virtually no enemies, but is this all that positive? You don’t particularly have a substantial opinion on anything which can be a little disheartening for some, so whilst you’ve got loads fans and potentially a couple of groupies (ay ay), you don’t really have any roadies.

Banoffee Pie

Banoffi Pie

As the writer of this article, I can confirm that you are NOT my favourite as I can’t DEAL with bananas, but I’m fully aware that you’re an extremely popular choice. You’re sensationally supple and you’re multifarious which makes you remarkably adaptable to situations. You’re layered. Your co-workers feel like they can confide in you, whether it’s a review gone wrong, an argument with a colleague or even as far as personal life woes (much to your dismay, I mean, do you look bothered? You’re a Banoffee Pie for crying out loud.) Every office needs a Banoffee Pie, it does, but you’ll always suffer from the odd hater. The hater’s gonna hate hate hate hate hate. The wise words of Taylor Swift – a beacon of hope for the millennial generation. You’ve been through a lot you know, and you’re well placed to transfer this vital knowledge onto your colleagues when they ask you for your advice.

Carrot Cake

Carrot Cake with Mascarpone Topping

You’re like marmite. Some people just can’t contemplate you, they can’t get to grips with the concept of YOU. They aren’t sure how to take you and it’s always dubious as to which camp you fall into, so you tend to be a bit of a floater. You don’t have loads of close friends and you’re pretty frosty at times, but it doesn’t bother you all that much. You go to work to do your job and that’s that with you. No fuss. No drama. You’re just there. You’re an intriguing character because you arrive into the mix with a lot of different traits. Diverse emotions. Random chunks of the unknown. It takes people a little time to understand exactly what’s going on in there, and some of them still don’t quite get you.

The Scone

Devonshire Scones

Everyone argues about how to say you’re name. You’re always there like ‘just say it however you like I don’t care’ but you can’t seem to settle the conflict that surrounds you. It’s stressful. We get it. Generally, as a person you’re a steady Eddy kind of guy. You don’t break easily and you need that in an office environment. You can switch from a lifeless soul of despair to a compelling sphere of enchantment in a mere matter of seconds, and it’s triggered entirely by the personal preference of your present company. Every office needs a scone because with the right sides, you’re a dream. Leave the sides out (cream, jam, whatever) and you’re still the strong player you were born to be. You’re loyal to the business and they see longevity in your appointment. You’ve been around for a while (probably a bit too long) and you’ve exhibited little modification in that time. A constant force you are, a constant force.

Apple Pie

The Very Best Apple Dessert Cake

You’re the disturbing one in the office that seems to chow down on whatever high cal snack they fancy and still never get fat. Not a wobble. Yep, every office has one. An absolute pig of a human-being who still manages to display willowy limbs and a washboard stomach in your ‘wish you were here’ Instagram snaps. Co-workers mimic your diet with the hopes of weight loss success but actually, like most normal people, they just get miserable, spotty and ‘curvy’. You’re a strong one and you profess to maintaining a completely normal, healthy diet, but really you’re the one who makes their porridge in the morning, with the loving addition of 12 teaspoons of sugar and perhaps a dollop of syrup. Annoying.

Christmas Cake

Mary Berry's classic fruit cake

Love you or hate you, you aren’t going anywhere and you couldn’t give a flying monkey’s about it. Fire you? Nope. You are staying put. You’ll chain yourself to reception if you have to. You value tradition and you have an aversion to change. You stick by your morals so people respect you as a key player within the business, PLUS you’re well fun at Christmas. Like your mate, The Scone, you’ve been around for a while now and you’ve remained a constant voice of reason to senior management (so you should after 15 years of promotions!). You’re a funny mix, we know that, and you possess a few rogue ingredients that some people simply can’t fathom. The only problem is, because of the whole respect thing, they don’t say it to your face. They accept you for who you are, but whilst this may be the case, you also have a band of loyal fans who will always fight your corner, even if they aren’t all that keen on the fruity bits.

The Trifle

Old fashioned trifle

What is even going on with you? Do you even know your name? You are literally all over the place! A mess. You rock in at 9.30 am straight from last night’s date, steaming to high heaven, I mean, you can literally taste the brandy it smells so strong. You don’t tend to last too long in businesses. They find you a little unstable. Can’t always tie you down, you’re that type. Regardless of your slippery nature though, you do tend to be well-liked, but no one really remains committed to you. They know you’ll be gone in a month, so it’s not worth investing too much emotional energy. No-one can cope with that kind of separation. It’s too much. Sometimes you can’t even deal with it yourself. It’s a constant struggle when you’ve got bits floating and flying about everywhere.

Chocolate Mousse

Wicked chocolate mousse

Ah Chocolate Mousse! A close cousin to Vicky Sponge but far more exotic and with an immense capacity for internal expansion. The best thing about you is you can really turn it on when you want to, but you can also keep things calm and cool in the dire times. No-one ever quite knows what you’ll present with each legendary encounter they undergo. It’s either really intense or pleasantly subtle. The kind of subtle where you go ‘ah that wasn’t too bad was it?’. How can anyone dislike that? The element of surprise. The mystery. Always keeping them on their toes. Even if your colleagues aren’t a huge fan, they still can’t say no to you. POWER.

Skinny Lemon & Poppy Seed Muffin

Minted lemon and poppy seed tray-bake

You’re the HEALTH FREAK. If someone wants to get fit and healthy, you’re their top choice of lunchtime running buddy. Very health conscious, you go for skinny ERRRRRTHANG (word). Your draws are full of sweetener. You run to work. You run at work. You run home. You run everywhere, I mean, it must be exhausting being you. You’re so heavily involved in your regime that you aren’t overly involved in broad office ‘bants’. You take no pleasure in a filthy little biscuit and a slice of chocolate cake on your birthday would be a criminal offence. You generally just get on with life. Work. Work-life. You don’t particularly bother anyone. You’re kind of like the Switzerland of the office. Neutral. Clean. Healthy.

Croissant

Image result for mary berry croissants

BORING. God you’re dull. In fact, there’s literally nothing I can say. You’ll probably do alright in life.

 

If you feel that you are looking to recruit one or more of these cake types because you’re currently suffering a deficit, our Account Managers would love to speak to you. The number is 0203 176 6677 . I promise you won’t get stuck on the phone to a Croissant as we all know how terribly distressing that situation can be. If you’re still dubious, you can contact them here without having to worry.

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